Earlier there was an earthquake. Not a big one. Not even two seconds long, nothing broke. But sometimes it feels good to be reminded that everything old, and stable, and really (truly) fundamental… is just as ridiculous and shaky as two flies fucking on top of your ice cream sandwich.
Sometimes i feel like the webs of interaction are physical forces holding me to one and only one line of action. Sometimes even thought.
Sometimes i feel the sense of what people are expecting from me, or of what i expect from myself, such as when i am supposed to laugh because it is funny. And it IS funny. And i see the humor. And i don’t laugh, and i don’t know why. I’m pretty sure it’s not because i’m humorless or joyless. Anyway, the point of this one is not exegesis. Not with my soul as text, anyway.
In the morning, when lying in bed just after waking, and the thought “this doesn’t actually exist, not in the way that i think it does, not really… i mean, this bed is less than 0.000000001% matter according to a classical model, and, fuck!.. forget about q.mechanics and don’t ever even consider learning about string theory’s metaphysical implications if you want to hang onto even a little shred of sanity. Nothing exists.” tries to manifest, tries to make itself more real than a unicorn. Neither of which have any relation to phenomenal reality. That’s just f.y.i.
First of all, fuck phenomenology. Yeah, it’s fine and life affirming and, in the end, really how we live. The point is that it’s a copout. Life, the universe, everything is so fundamentally Insane from our p.o.v. that suppression and voluntary ignorance is a worse fault than all the lies ever told over sex.
Second, fuck politics. In the general. Fuck self-serving assholes who don’t recognize that everything is always everything and something is always nothing. We’re stuck in a rut and obviously nobody knows how to get out. Eh. Mostly i’m surprised that so many people care and yet so little gets done. Really. I’m just plain out confused.
Third, and last, fuck voiceless ranting in the dark.
Mathematician Georg Cantor chose the hebrew letter aleph as his symbol for a specific type of infinity. Aside from the probable fact that the good greek letters were already taken i like to think that there was some flat out humor in him choosing the first hebrew letter (in the traditional numerical system of judeism and kabbalah it also represents the number 1). Aleph is also a silent consonant. Completely silent, like ‘y’ without the ‘yuh’ sound, or the ‘p’ in psychopomp. Just always silent.
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